On Top Of the World
You have to take your hat off to science. Researchers have now come up with a tear-free onion. Like they've got no bigger problems to solve in the world. When an onion is sliced it releases an enzyme that produces the gas which makes makes us cry. A bit of genetic engineering and voila, no more sobbing while preparing the quiche lorainne. They say it should take about ten years before it hits the supermarket, and is every bit as tasty and pungent as the tear-jerking onions we know and love. Why, I wonder, do they go to all the trouble when holding a match in your mouth while chopping onions works just fine? And anyway, I for one look forward to a good cry once in a while.
posted by John M Crowther @ 8:19 AM
7 Comments:
I have tried holding a match to my mouth while cutting an onion and I ended up burning my tongue; therefore I applaud those who have designed a lachrymal free onion; they’re probably the same geniuses who came up with a square tomato so that more could fit more in a box. I hear they are presently working on a rectangular watermelon and a pistachio nut held together by Velcro.
A number of years ago a scientist tried hormonally to develop a chicken who was mostly breast, but the monster displayed a mean streak and would attack all the other fowl on the farm so the project was aborted.
Surely there will be dire consequences for all these Frankenstinian tamperings of nature. One day our fair cities may not be attacked by Godzilla; most likely it will be by a 100 foot high KFC chicken who escaped from the farm factory.
Hey, Prof, the chicken idea ain't dead yet. The breast is yet to come.
((((hahahahaha)))) Sooo funny... (both of you!) The chicken idea reminds me of that song "Cows with Guns"... chickens in choppers and all that stuff. Have a listen!
http://www.cowswithguns.com/
cowmovie.html
Love the cartoon John... eco friendly polar bears? I suppose it's gotta start somewhere!(((LOL)))
http://www.cowswithguns.com/cowmovie.html
Okay... let's try that again. If not... maybe just google it.
A match to the mouth? I've never heard of that before. How does it work? Is it lit? Ouch? I always wave a damp towel through the air. Cleans the tear-inducing molecules right up, (hmm, should patent the idea before the tearless onion comes out.) As for genetically altered food, (shiver!). I'm adamantly opposed! I don't trust corporate "scientists" to procure the kinds of produce that's "best for us", (nutritionally motivated vs. volume/shape/shipping-tough inspired) For those intereseted, read Michael Pollan's latest book: In Defense of Food. Marvelous!
And John, only real men aren't afraid to cry...even if it's only onion-induced! Love your commentary!
So did anyone check out Cows with Guns?
I did, Jean. It's great.
Mary, il prof is erudite and learned, but he evidently lacks a practical streak. You don't light the match. You hold it in your mouth with the head out. The sulfur soaks up the gas.
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