Texting Not Spoken Here

I don't text. As far as I'm concerned text is a noun, nothing but a noun, and will never in my world become a verb. I have a cell phone -- in fact I've given up my landline and only have a cell phone -- but it's not a computer, a TV, or a camera, it's just a phone. When someone calls me it rings like a telephone. It doesn't play Battle Hymn of the Republic, the theme from Jaws, or Fur Elise, and it doesn't vibrate. More often that not I don't even take it with me when I go out. Texting to me is like a foreign language that I'll never understand or attempt to understand. Actually it's more like pig latin, the ultimate in geekery. Ixnay onyay ityay.