The Big One Zero Zero

This is it, folks, the 100th cartoon, and as I promised, celebrations are in full swing around the country, nay, around the globe. Well, actually it hasn't all come off exactly as I described yesterday, there have been a few glitches. It turned out it was impossible to verify all the virgins. Well, actually it was impossible to verify any of the virgins, and the trumpeters haven't been showing up as planned so in most places we've had to make do with a couple of kazoos and jews' harps. And it would have been good if we could have had white doves like I promised, but it worked out just as well using pigeons. You may have seen them in your city, pigeons fluttering and swooping and dive-bombing, not just a hundred, but hundreds of them, crapping all over the place. I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am. Trust me, I can't. Unfortunately, the media didn't show up as we'd hoped. We got preempted by "breaking news" almost everywhere, a dog bit someone in one city, the mayor passed gas in another, you know, important stuff, so I'm not upset. Oh, and in an amazing bit of synchronicity a friend's daughter celebrates her one hundredth day of kindergarten today, and all the kids are showing up with a hundred of something. Little Taylor Jane is bringing in one hundred Cheerios. I like to think that a little piece of their celebration is for me.