It's Sensational, We Love It, Sorry, No.

Working in the film industry, one must become very thick-skinned. Rejection is the order of the day. As a writer-director pedalling "spec" scripts in between commissions, or seeking financing for independent projects, I discovered that the default answer is "no." The trick is to try and eliminate every possible reason for a turndown until the person behind the desk is left with no other choice but to give approval. This can be tricky. Let's say you've got Brad Pitt committed to star in your sensitive, low-budget story. "Sorry," the answer comes back, "nobody will pay to see Pitt in such a 'little' movie." You suggest quadrupling the budget. "Sorry, that kind of budget is too big for this kind of tender auteur film. We love it, but no." A number of years ago CBS
wanted to bring back Stacy Keach in Mike Hammer, but they were aiming for a new demographic. As it had been essentially a "male" audience, they hoped to interest women viewers. I was called in to pitch an idea for the movie-of-the-week. My entire pitch consisted of the single sentence, "we give Mike Hammer a mid-life crisis." "Yes, perfect," shouted the roomful of producers. So I was hired to write a script in which Hammer suddenly is no longer interested in the hedonistic life. Gorgeous loose women throw themselves at him and all he wants is to find a simple girl to settle down with. His curvaceous secretary goes on vacation and he hires a grandmotherly type to replace her. The producers' reaction? "It's terrific, but you've eliminated everything that makes Mike Hammer who he is." So much for irony.