Nice Pad

"It were happy if we studied nature more in natural things, and acted according to nature, whose rules are few, plain, and most reasonable." William Penn, Fruits of Solitude, 1693.

Strange Badfellows

During a rainstorm in Washington, the lawn sprinklers at the White House went on and operated at full force. A passer-by turned to his companion and said, "Why do you suppose the sprinklers went on just now?" "It's an old rule in Washington," his friend replied." "Whatever nature does, in this town they think they can do it better."

The Eye of the Beholder

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac, 1738.

No Right Turn on Red

The great humorist Sam Levenson once described the funny and warm incidents of growing up in a family that was hard-pressed for a decent income. He explained it by saying, "We had no idea we were poor."

Hope Springs Infernal

In the throes of political dysfunction unprecedented in American politics, we're often told that politicians have always been a scrappy, partisan mob, but there's a difference. It used to be that they fought for their ideals, nowadays they fight for the less than idealistic interests of their big money sponsors.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Discussion of the latest fashions invariably avoids one simple truth, fashion is not a matter of style, nor of taste, but a matter of marketing.

Wearing Your Art On Your Sleeve

Pres. Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, "The arts cannot thrive except where men are free to be themselves." What is left unsaid here is that art often flourishes underground in the most repressive dictatorships, suggesting that creative freedom can exist despite political oppression.

A Matter of Principals

Having been subject to several extractions lately by my dentist, a woman, as well as having been fitted for bridgework two days ago, this is a fitting time to recognize the first woman dentist, Dr. Lucy Hobbs, graduated from the Ohio State College of Dental Surgery in Cincinnati on this date in 1866.

Tiger, Tiger

A duffer was shredding the golf course with every stroke. Finally, as he approached the ball in an attempt to get out of the rough he asked his caddy which club he should use next. "How about the one on the other side of town," his caddy answered.

Auto-Suggestion

Then there's the man who told his wife she was driving him crazy. "I don't need to," she said, "you can walk there perfectly well on your own."

Shedding Some Light on the Matter

Finally, a really significant date to recall, one that matters. Today, February 18, 2010, just happens to be the 80th anniversary of the first time a cow got high. I'm not kidding. What's more, Bessie, or whatever her name was, not only went for an airplane ride but was milked on route, somewhere over the midwest. Now if only pigs could fly. (No jokes about Kevin Smith, please.)

For Crying Out Loud

If you're thinking that politics nowadays are a hopelessly messy business, consider that on this date in 1801 Thomas Jefferson was elected third President of the U.S. by the House of Representatives. It took 36 ballots to break the log jam.

Don't Believe Everything You Read

The animal trainer, showing off his humane techniques working with mules, picked up a wooden club and whacked one of the poor beasts across the side of the head. "That's terrible," gasped a woman observer. "You call that humane?" "Oh," said the trainer, "this ain't how I train 'em, but first I have to get their attention."

A Memorable Date

Another day, another milestone: today is The Fool's twelve hundredth post without missing a day. This is either a laudable accomplishment or laughably insane. Oh, and Remember the Maine (blown up in Havana harbor on February 15, 1898).

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

FROM YESTERDAY'S LBN NEWSLETTER -" FACESPACE":   1.    Name: John Crowther. 2.    Which living person do you most despise? Not literally "living," but it would be the lady in the IKEA ads who screams with pleasure because she thinks she stiffed the store, when actually it was a sale. 3.    When and where were you the happiest?  When I was little, a fortune-telling machine in an amusement park told me my happiest days would be my last; terrible thing to do to a kid. So I'd have to say I was happiest before I was 12. Ever since then, I've tended to keep happiness at arm's length. 4.    What is your profession? Artist, illustrator, cartoonist, screenwriter. 5.    Which talent would you most like to have? Perfect pitch. In elementary school, the music teacher separated us into "canaries" and "crows". I was a crow; another terrible thing to do to a kid. 6.    If you could be any fictional character, which one would you be and why? Peter Pan, partly because he stays forever young, but also because he can fly without having to keep his license current. 7.    What is your greatest regret? When I was an actor on Broadway in my youth, I never played the Booth Theatre. I love that little theatre! 8.    What are your favorite names? Anthony, Andrew, Androcles. I'm serious. I don't know what it is about names that start with "An." 9.    What one occasion do you lie? At dinner parties where I'm served something inedible. 10.  Email and Website: jcrwth@aol.com,www.jcrowtherart.com

With Friends Like This

"Friendship is constant in all other things,/ Save in the office and affairs of love." William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing, 1599.

Pop Goes the Weasel

 Jeremy's mother asked him if he wanted french fries for dinner. "Yes," he answered. "Yes, what? She said. "Yes," he sad, "extra crunchy."

When You're Down You Can Only Go Up

The National Enquirer has reported that John Edwards is set to marry the mother of his love-child. Surprise, surprise, Mr. Edwards denies it. Does he honestly think that at this point anyone is going to believe his denial? Whoops, I just used the word "honestly" in a sentence about John Edwards. As my lacrosse kids say, my bad."

Crazy About You

For another indication of how rapidly the world is speeding along now, as opposed to past centuries and millenia, consider that today is the 87th anniversary of the first singing telegram, at once an art form and communications medium that has gone the way of the typewriter. One can only imagine the horrified look on the face of the intitial recipient, when a stranger  showed up on his or her doorstep and croaked "Happy Birthday."

Groan!

A bit of wisdom from the op-ed page of this morning's Los Angeles Times is worth passing along: remember, your stockbroker isn't interested in helping make sure your children will go to college, he's interested in making sure his children go to college. Beware the king's men.

For Poorer and For Poorer

So you think John Edwards and Gov. Sanford have problems. Consider President Zuma of the Republic of South Africa. Like Edwards he's been caught in an affair with a woman who's fathered his child out of wedlock. But unlike Edwards he's also a polygamist, with not one pissed off wife to answer to but three. Oh. and he's also got nineteen other children. Go Prez!

It's All About Marketing

My friend Hollister insisted to me the other day that in all the history of world exploration no one was more important than Christoper Columbus. "How about the guy who invented the boat?" I said.

Shop 'Til You Drop

It's become pretty much de rigeur for some people to think of God as a female, as in "Have faith in the Lord, She will protect you." But I draw the line at those who've started referring to the first book of the Bible as Jennie's Sis.

I Heart You

Environmental Concern Div. of The Fool's Journey, Inc.: This card is available as a greeting card, to send to your loved ones who share your sorrow that the pusillanimous U.S. Congress has backed away from climate change legislation because whatever they do to save the planet will be harmful to the economy. Yup, it's nuts, I agree. I pledge half of whatever income I get from this card to the cause. Spread the word.

Sicke, Sick, Sick

A violence prone young man smashed a store window, set the place ablaze, and then tried to fight off the firemen who came to put it out. The police were called and had to tase him to subdue him. "Police brutality," he screamed.

A Drop In the Bucket

One more sign that our society is going down the tubes: hour-long prime time television specials highlighting the best ever Super Bowl commercials. Do you suppose they'll take breaks for a brief bit of football before returning to the regular program?

Depends On What It Is

This being the day for big rodents, I opened my front door this morning and came face to face with a possum. Not a groundhog, to be sure, but since I live in an urban area he'll have to do. Evidently he didn't see his shadow, but he saw me, and not even that sent him scurrying back into his hole. So Spring is almost nigh.