Rhymes For Our Times

I suggest it's time for some new nursery rhymes, ones that have contemporary relevance. What the heck is a tuffet, anyway? And the idea of eating curds and whey is downright disgusting. I remember how thoroughly grossed out I was as a kid when I found out it was the watery slop and chunks of white goo in the milk bottle after it had been left in the refrigerator for a month. Blackbirds baked in a pie? They have to be kidding. With the heads, feet, and feathers left on, no doubt. And an old lady living in a shoe? That's a stretch.

Here's a new one for starters:

A homey named Chuck with an i-pod
Got mugged in the park, oh my God,
He said "no more, I'm settling this score,
And went after the guy with a rod.