Monkeying Around
Evolution is an amazing thing. A report on the evening news last night documented the mating rituals of squid. It seems the male squid is able on will to change color, so that the side of him facing toward his intended is dark and, presumably seductive, and the opposite side is white, to scare off rivals. If the lady of his desire happens to swim casually around to his far side, he can almost instantly reverse the colors. Squid have been around for 15 million years, so evidently the strategy works. They also haven't done any damage to the planet that we know about. Humans and our hominid ancestors, on the other hand, have been around a mere million and a half years, and we have sex clinics, therapists, how-to books and the Kama Sutra to help us with our hang-ups, anxieties, and ignorance. I'm sure there will be some people writing in to ABC to complain about sex being discussed on prime time, even if it was the sex life of squid. They're the same people who think we're descended from Adam and Eve.
posted by John M Crowther @ 6:13 AM
17 Comments:
You say “squid have been around for 15 million years … They also haven't done any damage to the planet that we know about.” Ay, they may not’ve done damage to the planet, but what about us pirates? Surely you’ve heard tales told about the Giant Squid, some that grow between 40-60 feet. Why in me seafaring days I’d been standin on the deck, airing me hook, when one of those monsters would reach out from the deep with a fifteen foot tentacle and use one of me mates for sushi.
After which, no doubt, you broke into a chorus of "If you knew sushi like I know sushi."
ABC, the last bastion of almost passable journalism in network news, also did not refer to it as mating. They called it dating, which I found pretty laughable, even if the pictures were incredible. As for us hominids, do you think we could lose Dr Ruth if we were able to change color at will? Now that would be interesting!
My friends, how is it that we differ from our friend the reversible squid? It’s all a question of attraction, is it not? The squid changes color; a woman her dress, her perfume; a man shows his car, mentions his bank account; the wedding bells toll, the ring’s slipped on; the real person emerges from the darkness often to the disillusion and disappointment of the other. Think of how much time and money could be saved if we did not disguise what we really were; if we no longer had to pretend to be what society dictates as being attractive. Then we would have no occasion to be anything other than our selves in this the best of all possible worlds. I speak of course for both man and calamari.
And then there's the couple celebrating their golden wedding anniversary who lived their whole life through in love with each other... (it does happen)
Gibbon apes, wolves, termites, coyotes, barn owls, beavers, bald eagles, condors, swans, pigeons, ospreys, and black vultures are said to mate for life and so do some humanoid couples who reach their fiftieth anniversary, yes. However, recent scientific studies show that metrosexuals rarely last more than a summer rental and women who read Vanity Fair have never stayed espoused as long as the length of their subscriptions.
Mitichondrial DNA studies have proven that we all are, indeed descendants of Eve.
The only question that remains is who exactly WAS Eve?
And I think it is incredibly rude to be so condescending of other's religious beliefs. Sometimes it takes more courage to believe in something than to not believe in anything at all.
Condescension is nothing but a form of disagreement. Real courage consists of clinging to one's faith regardless. We can respect the courage of others, even when we're dismissive of their ideas. This applies to those on both sides of pretty much every issue. (ie., can you honestly say, Kate, that those who believe in "intelligent design" are never "condescending" toward creationists?)
What I want to know is... if humans evolved from ape, how come not all of us crossed over?
Sei troppo spirtoso, sai, e troppo simpatico. Che Dio ti benedica! Amico mio, ti volglio bene. Stammi bene.
Is that the answer to my question - rock apes don't speak italian tho LOL
>>The only question that remains is who exactly WAS Eve?<<
An excellent question, Kate. Eve was an ambitious young actress whom Margot Channing, an aging star of Broadway, befriended. Eve then manipulated everyone she met in order to get to the top. She also ate an apple.
But thats not the only question that remains. What about mine?
If man evolved from ape, how come not all of em crossed over? Good question eh?
Rock Ape, in “Why Did The Mammal Cross the Road?,” the sequel to my first book, I explained that when the B.A. (Big Asteroid) hit this planet some creatures managed to survive over time by adapting to changing climatic circumstances while other more inflexible species disappeared. Homo sapiens, my favorite creature along with the Roach, evolved by standing up on two feet, packing its bags, and moving to more temperate climates; whereas other simians simply climbed up into the trees with their bananas and waited for the earth to cool down. (About five millenniums give or take a mill) The simians did not cross the road; the KFC chicken did.
A good example of an evolving species today is Homo Sapiens Tuberosum (a.k.a. The Couch Potato). Although gifted with the ability to stand on its pedal extremities, the HST rarely does; seated in a semi-fetal position, the creature only maneuvers its front digits to devour Cheetos and to pull the metal rings off Bud cans. It is my opinion that in time the legs of the HST will disappear entirely and its brain will decrease in size to that of the now extinct Brontosaurus.
Mr Darwin, from this then can we deduce that woman crossed over and man did not? LOL
Dear Rock Ape, may I call you Rock, please call me Chuck, yes, only the female of the species crossed over. In science we call that “The Survival of the Shopper.” Whereas the first Cro-Magnon male was content to sit in his cave all day long and stare at wall paintings until the food ran out, the first females were motivated to travel to warmer places in search of markdowns. In fact, primitive societies were not hunter-gatherers as is commonly believed, they were hunter-bargainers.
touche! LOL
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