A Hunger For Victory

The team had lost seventeen games in a row, so they decided to try a couple of alternatives. First they replaced the coach. When that didn't work they replaced the players. Still no luck. So they changed the name of the team from the Slugs.

Let's Tango

"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money." Mark Twain, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894.

Settling the Score

It's said that what really matters is not whether you win or lose, but how well you played the game. Trouble is, the best way to tell how you played the game is by whether you won or lost.

Original Syndrome

To borrow from W.C. Fields, with a bit of alteration, you can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, and that's good enough for a politician.

Oops!

As I teeter on the cusp of completing seven decades, having so recently been wrestling with the technological challenges of the computer age, I marvel that it was on March 27, only 40 years before I was born less one day, that Guglielmo Marconi sent the first radio signals across the English Channel. Half a century later Marconi's leap forward made possible the radio classic, It Pays To Be Ignorant.

Face Off

Click on image to view enlarged.

When I was coaching lacrosse at Loyola High School, an upstanding Catholic school in Los Angeles, a father donated t-shirts to the team. Alas, the boys were banned from wearing them on campus. The front said Loyola Lacrosse., but on the back, along with a logo, was the slogan, "Chicks dig our sticks."

Mad Dogs

A lot of psychologists want their patients to lie on the couch. Most prefer them to tell the truth.

Is Anybody Listening?

"The society of excess profits for some and small returns for others, the society in which a few prey upon the many, the society in which a few took great advantage and many took great disadvantage, must pass." Wendell L. Wilkie (Republican Presidential candidate), October 18, 1940.

Fair Is Foul

While I was officiating a kids lacrosse game recently, one of the coaches was giving me a hard time, so I finally threw him off the field. After the game he accosted me in front of his team and continued to harangue me (and by the way, no other coaches, nor the parents, questioned any calls). I finally said to him, "I'm not listening to this nonsense any more," and walked away. "Don't walk away while I'm talking to you," he screamed, "it's rude. What kind of example do you want to set for these kids?" Go figure.

Hi Diddle Dee Dee

Click on cartoon to view enlarged.

An agent called a client to tell him a TV show was looking for a replacement for an actor who'd been fired. "But they already have the costume," the agent said, "so they need someone who's 6 foot two inches tall. How tall are you?" "Five eight," the actor replied. "But I can play six two."

Up, Up, and Away

"Opiate: An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard." Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1906.

Thanks For the Memories

A young actress told Bob Hope once that she was approaching 30. "From which direction," he asked her.

Ride 'Em, Cowboy

Just to clarify about yesterday's commentary. I have no present plans to take a vacation. The daily cartoon is a welcome necessity in my life, since if I wasn't obsessing about it I'd be obsessing about far less enjoyable things. Don't be surprised, however, if I omit an occasional (or less than merely occasional) commentary. I may not always have something to say, which has probably been self-evident more than I like to admit.

A Dollar Shy

The late post today is part of my new make-over. The recent computer problems, along with the incumbent stress it caused me, have convinced me to make some changes. For one, I've decided to feel less pressured about posting early. For another, if I miss a day, so be it, though I promise I'll make no attempt to slow down, I'll just allow myself to bend to circumstance if necessary. And sometime in the near future I may even take a short break, perhaps a week or two. There's no immediate plan to do so, I'm simply given myself permission in advance.

Going Green

A lot to celebrate today, St. Patrick's Day, and the fact that we're still here despite computer woes. I have nothing against Dell, it's Windows Vista for which I save my wrath. Imagine that you buy a new car, and every time you turn on the ignition, signs keep appearing in the windscreen asking you questions. And then it stops dead just as you're turning against oncoming traffic and tells you it's downloading updates, which sounds vaguely oxymoronic to me. How about uploading downdates?

Classics Revisited

My computer woes continue. The problem now seems to be getting Photoshop on the new computer without crashing it, which means I can't scan the new ones. I should have it resolved within the next day. Hopefully. In the meantime, I posted the above, one of my all-time favorites, which also appears in my book (SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT) Out of Order, which can be had by either going to www.OutskirtsPress.com/outoforder/, or e-mailing me at jcrwth@aol.com. In this time of economic woe it's one of the last real bargains along with tacos from a roach coach.

The Beat Goes On

Okay, so here I am, still in computer hell. My new Dell wouldn't boot up last night when I got home, so I called Dell support. Got some guy with an accent, probably in Uzbekestan or someplace, who said if I wanted help with the computer I bought less than 10 days ago I'd have to buy a one-year warranty for the low low price of only $179. I smell a big rat, and am going to report it to the folks at Dell. This morning, after a restless, angry night, I figured all I could do was re-install everything as it came from the factory, plus all the programs I use regularly, like Photoshop. Big pain. So here's The Fool up and running again, and considering taking a week off from The Journey just to calm down. We shall see.

Miracles Never Cease

My long-standing technology burn-out has been trumped by the fact that I'm away from home at a lacrosse tournament with my team, and staying in a hotel with WiFi. Look ma, no wires. I solemnly promise, however, I will never twitter.

Hope Springs Infernal

With economic woes affecting the entire globe, it's worthwhile pointing out that it wasn't until this date in 1884, only 124 years ago, that an international conference in Washington established world standard time. It's astonishing to think that it was probably the last time that the entire world got together and agreed on anything.

The Skin of Our Teeth

My new computer, tricked out with Windows Vista operating system, reminded me this morning that when it comes to technology we're hanging by a thread. When I first tried turning it on I got a message that "Windows was unable to start." Several minutes ensued while diagnostics automatically tried to fix the problem and I turned blue from holding my breath. It finally got going again, but not before I spent what seemed like an eternity staring forlornly into the long dark hole of communications isolation.

Blessed Be the Grape

During the Civil War someone complained to President Lincoln that Gen. Grant was a heavy drinker and perhaps should be relieved of his command. "Find out what brand he drinks," Lincoln is supposed to have said, "and then send some to my other generals."

Out Of It

As I marvel at what today's computer can do, it's worth remembering that on this day, March 10, only 142 years ago, Alexander Graham Bell uttered the immortal words to his assistant in the next room, the first words ever spoken over a telephone, "Mr. Watson, come here. I want you." Except that Bell was a notorious rip-off artist and liar, and most likely never said them at all. What he actually said was probably more along the lines of, "I think I have the wrong number."

Here's Looking at Me, Kid

My new computer came with a built-in webcam, which means that now, when I drag myself bleary-eyed from bed to post my cartoon in the morning, I have to brush my hair, in case somebody calls on Skype. It occurs to me that it won't be long before actors won't need to leave home to read for a part. It'll all be done via the computer.

Which one draws the cartoons?

Rave New World

We are in many terrifying ways slaves to our computers. A computer failure cuts us loose from the world. At first I was relieved, free at last, but soon I was desperately struggling to get hooked up again. My need for the fellowship of Man trumped my technology burn-out and here I am, enslaved once again.

Hiccup

Thanks, all, for your patience. My computer gave up the ghost a couple of days ago so step one was getting a new one. After a bit of a struggle, and with the help of the good folks at Time-Warner cable (and they really are good) I was finally able to get online. The next challenge was trying to get my scanner working. The installation diskette that came with it didn't seem to have a driver on it that worked with Windows Vista, so I wound up downloading the correct driver. More tinkering to get things working, and then I had to install Photoshop. But it's all up and running, and I don't want to hear another word about technology for at least another decade. By the way, the new computer is blazingly fast compared to the old. Whee!

Stormy Weather

During a rainstorm in Washington last year the lawn sprinklers in front of the White House went on and began operating full force throughout the downpour. A visiting tourist turned to her companion and asked why in the world the sprinklers were being used. "It's an old rule in Washington," her companion told her." "Whatever nature does, Washington thinks it can do it better."

Failure to Communicate?

The teacher was having trouble controlling his unruly classroom. Finally he couldn't take any more and blurted out, "why is it that every time I open my mouth some jackass is talking?"

Kid Stuff

As I stand on the threshold of completing another decade I ask myself, what is the line between youth and old age? It's that point in your life when you stop wanting to seem more grown-up and wish you looked younger than your years. In other words, it's when life keeps offering you new wrinkles.

Where the Heart Is

"Children begin by loving their parents. After a time, they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." -- Oscar Wilde, A Woman of No Importance, 1893.

Tilt

Quoted from the Chattanooga Times Free Press: "If you spent a million dollars a day every single day since Jesus was born, you still wouldn't have spent as much as Congress did in the Stimulus Bill. Now, let's quadruple that amount and we'll have the cost of the Iraq War."